My rainbow

My first post in a blog in...forever. And although I don't write it all down, I have a lot in my mind and heart to share. My mind is always running fast. Too fast to speak it sometimes and too fast to write it all down. I love the human mind. I love MY mind. And it scares me. It even gives me anxiety sometimes. And then sometimes it completely surprises me. My mind jumps from one thing to another until it reaches a brief stopping point where it all makes PERFECT sense....
...and that of course leads me to...a wonderful array of things, all at once, creating a beautiful rainbow in my mind...and so we are off again!

What I love about writing is that I can say what I choose to from the things on my mind and...if no one ever reads it, it's okay. I write for me. And sometimes...I write for my kids. My favorite part is looking back, because even though we think we will "never forget this moment" or "this image is burned into my head" it may be true, but we are not always so good at retrieving that information.

Many things have happened in my life that affect how I am, but who I am is because I was specifically created by a wonderfully powerful God to serve a purpose.

That being said, and as I am writing this primarily for me...when I look back and read this blog, I want to remember that this is how you would've found me when I started this blog :

*24 years old, I believe. Except for my 18th and 21st birthday, I have never paid too much attention to how old I am. Sometimes I feel older than that...aged quicker than I should be...and sometimes I feel 2.

*Pregnant!!! According to the app on my phone, I am 30 weeks today and my precious baby is the size of a...large cabbage. That is not exactly how I want to think of my baby. I start wondering how big her head will be when the time to officially evict her from my womb comes...but before my mind runs off again...how I feel is 50 weeks pregnant and since we recently moved to Wichita, KS and are not settled in yet, anxiety is driving me to the brink of insanity.

*Blessed, although all my life I have been blessed in one way or another. These things I can list although I am sure I will miss plenty.
          -All basic needs are met...you know, the usual "roof over my head" and "food
           on my plate." God hasn't failed to provide in one way or another and my
           faith is even stronger because of it.
         -I find myself married...as a little girl, I always dreamed of this! And even
          though we are not physically settled in to a new place in this city, my heart is
          in every way settled. This is the man I will still be discovering more of life
          with until I take my very last breath. He was made in every way perfect for
          me, he in fact IS that beautiful dream I had as a little girl. As a woman...the
          things about him and our relationship that I have questioned have turned out  
          to be learning and growing experiences...and that IS what I love to do...grow
          and learn. There is no doubt God made us for each other! It doesn't
          hurt that he is so handsome either...every beautiful freckle carefully placed by
          God...hair so soft that you would think he spends a lot of time conditioning
          it (and he spends NO time doing so, I'm jealous!!!)...my husband has big
          beautiful eyes that even when he is upset I can see right into them. I see
          his frustration, and past that, his concern, and even deeper, I simply find
          love for his family. I love his strong arms that hold me tight..he is a great cook...
          there are so many things that I could go on
          forever! I am looking at him and smiling...he has no idea why.
        -Marriage gave me a whole new family. My father in-law is the best father
         figure in my life so far, a piece I always felt was missing, but I know there
         is a time for everything. My mother in-law is amazing. She speaks her mind
         and I am grateful I have never felt offended...as a matter of fact, I gladly
         welcome her ideas. I know I can run to her if I ever
         need to. Though life hasn't allowed much time for it yet, I have a new sister to
         grow with. She has been there when both my husband and I needed
         her. She has a beautiful and smart daughter that I am blessed to have as my niece!
         I love being an aunt! I have two more grandmas, Grandma Lucy is so sweet and loving,
         and Grandma Benson is so funny and witty. An amazing new family that has  
         influenced who my husband is beautifully.
       -I am officially homeschooling for the first time! A dream I have had for several
         years. A child has no better teacher than his/her own parents!
      -Because I am pregnant, endometriosis isn't troubling me at the moment...I hope
       it never comes back!

*Happy. Truly happy and content!

*Secure. I have handed over the title of 'head of household.' Now I am the next in line, as God meant for it to be. I LOVE being my husbands biggest fan and supporter. I love that the final decision is his, he provides, and he will aways seek more of God.

*Tired...this is but a tiny sliver of what is on my mind today. My husband has made dinner tonight and it smells delicious! I will have dinner and I am grateful to have my husband's strong arms to curl into when I am done. Our entertainment tonight as usual: the kids!